


The Sky Visitor

by donutsweeper



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Incredible Hulk - All Media Types, Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Because #yuletide, Crossover, Gen, blame #yuletide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-19
Updated: 2013-08-19
Packaged: 2017-12-23 23:29:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/932364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/donutsweeper/pseuds/donutsweeper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was a normal day in Night Vale, well, as normal as days usually are that is, until a large green man fell from the sky.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Sky Visitor

The sun rises and the moon sets. The sky is vast but the stars shine bright. A meteor streaks through the heavens, blinking in time with sign on the highway. Or does it? 

Welcome.... to Night Vale.

....... instrumental theme .......

Our top story tonight, dear listeners: a short time ago a very large green man fell from the sky and landed on Main Street, just outside the parking lot of the Olive Garden. Other than leaving quite a large crack in the pavement as a result of the impact, he seems to be quite friendly and even appeared to have apologized for the damage, as he is reported as saying, "Hulk smash" in a loud, but remorseful tone and then shrugging sadly.

Said green person has been described as a typical human male in appearance, with two legs, two arms, and only one head but with skin that is a particularly dark shade of green. He also has short black hair- none of Carlos' flowing locks on this newcomer unfortunately- brown eyes, nice white teeth and is wearing only a pair of torn brown pants. Apparently Steve Carlsberg, ugh _Steve Carlsberg_ , was the first Night Vale citizen this 'Hulk' had the misfortune to come across, and I have to apologize to you, Hulk, no newcomer to our fair town should have to deal with Steve Carlsberg, especially when he's decided to become civic minded and lecture folks on the ins and outs of appropriate dress when parading about in public. Like _he's_ one to talk on that subject. The man once wore plaid and stripes together, creating a sartorial nightmare we are all still recovering from. Anyway, I'm told Steve Carlsberg took affront to Mister Hulk's lack of shirt and shoes and took it upon himself to chastise him for it.

I feel it's necessary that I take a moment here to inform _Steve_ that the town's statutes regarding footwear and shirtlessness are only in regards to proper coverage while entering, exiting or remaining within food establishments, the Night Vale Zoo, and the abandoned mine shaft outside of town, and as our friend Hulk was on the street these such laws do not apply. Thanks, but no thanks, Steve. So remember, Hulk, if you do decide that you just have to make a run to Taco Bell, roll in the leaves outside of the Beatrix Lowman Memorial Meditation Zone before heading to the restaurant and you'll be good to go. You'll also have pollen and ragweed in places I am not allowed to mention over the air, but that's a small price to pay for good tacos, right?

And now let's take a look at traffic....

It looks like Old Woman Josie has taken it upon herself to deal with the pavement damage left behind by our newcomer. Quentin, our newest intern here at Night Vale Community Radio, has just informed me that she's updated her twitter account from the middle of Main Street where she's planting tea cosies in the cracks, claiming a nice crop of assam would be just the thing come next fall. I was unaware _Camellia sinensis_ could grow in this climate, but who doesn't like a cup of good breakfast tea in the morning?

Now that we're done with traffic it's time for a word from our sponsor.

Do you ever question your own existence? Who doesn't! Ever feel the need to howl at the moon at midnight? Don't we all? Have you ever nibbled your own toenails? Well, now that's just plain weird.

Diet Pepsi. You got the right one, baby, uh huh.

Now this is interesting, listeners- apparently our new green resident is not actually green! Or, at least not all the time. Nor is he always big, nor consistently so terribly large or monosyllabic! I've just been handed a report that states that, while wandering about town, window shopping I assume, it is almost the holidays and there are some very nice displays out already, Hulk stopped, sat down, and leaned up against the fence that surrounds the vacant lot, where he appeared to almost fall asleep. And it was during his fitful slumber- sidewalks are not terribly comfortable places to doze after all- that he shuddered and then... transformed. It goes on to explain that he has shrunk quite a bit, to about a third of his original size, and is no longer green but rather, and I quote, "seems to be a white guy with short salt and pepper hair who's pretty pale and kind of pasty looking." 

All of which is unfortunate because, as you know, dear listeners, transforming without a license is a punishable offense here in Night Vale, and I suspect the Sheriff's Secret Police will be by soon to present with him with a ticket and a fine. If he's lucky he'll have a chance to apply for a transformation license before they track him down. Remember folks, both voluntary and involuntary transformation as well as transmogrification licenses are available by filling out either form 19W12b or 19W12c in triplicate and then simply burning two of the copies, ripping the third into five equal parts and burying the pieces and ashes under a tin can. Easy peasy. However, do not, I repeat, do not fill out 19W12a by mistake. We certainly don't want a repeat of last August, do we? Eugh. No, no we do not.

And now onto the weather!

....... musical interlude in the form of _The Lonely Man Theme_ , by Joe Harnell....... 

Carlos, lovely Carlos, has just left me a voicemail where, in his sweet sonorous tone, he explained that our friendly newcomer to town, Hulk, when not in his green, overly large form, is actually a man named Bruce Banner, who is a brilliant, world renowned scientist with a doctorate in Nuclear Physics. If it were anyone other than Carlos I think I might have detected a bit of professional jealousy and admiration in his voice but we all know Carlos is the smartest, most clever scientist this town has ever seen so I must be mistaken. Anyway, apparently this Doctor Banner is also an Avenger, whatever that is, and had a bit of a mishap with a plane, a plasma canon and a robot of extreme destruction which resulted in him crashing into our fair city. Something, according to Carlos, he is very apologetic about.

Of course Carlos, sweet, kind and gentle man that he is, then went on to inform our gallant guest that damage to city property is not a matter of concern in our fair berg as it happens on a rather frequent basis. The voicemail message then digressed into a discussion of clocks and time dilation interdimensional vortices. I should note at this time, dear listeners, that I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about by that point, but I have to admit, it sounded just lovely.

So, whether or not our newest visitor be in the form of a giant green Hulk or slight scientist Bruce, I bid welcome to our lovely city. I hope you enjoy your visit and maybe think about sticking around for a while; it seems like you'll fit right in.

And on that note, I shall leave you. Please stay tuned next for seventy two minutes of disjointed mumbling. Good night, Night Vale. Good night.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a fill at avengerkink. Thanks to Llwyden for the beta!


End file.
